


Amica Mea; Cor Meum

by MogmaMittens



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-12 03:50:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MogmaMittens/pseuds/MogmaMittens
Summary: “When can we go back?”Never.“I... couldn’t tell you.”-Regis didn't know about Noctis' fate. Adhering to the wills of the Gods wasn't easy when you've raised your son for near twenty years, but whatwaseasy was sending him off with his adviser to hide. You can't kill what you can't find.





	1. Chapter 1

_“You must take him.”_

 

* * *

 

Clothes. Toiletries. Noct’s favorite blanket? Certainly. Ignis’ fingers tightened around the fabric in his hand - this was no time to dawdle, and yet here he was, contemplating what qualified as essential. The keys to the Regalia were heavy in his pocket, along with the wad of gil his majesty had given him. It'd raise suspicions if he gave him any more than a couple thousand, which truthfully should keep them tied over for a while, though Ignis wasn't entirely sure what they'd do _after_ that. There had to be ways to make money on the mainland, he supposed, even without a dedicated job.

 

“Whu-” Noct stirred in bed behind him, the last essential on their impromptu road trip. He stuffed the blanket, always a comfort item, into his duffle before turning.

 

“Get up. We must be headed out soon.” It was late. Late enough that Noct had long finished his battle with his insomnia and succumbed to sleep, and late enough that Ignis felt more than a bit fuzzy in the head. Still good enough to drive - to make calculations of what they’d needed and how far they could get before morning - but not much more than that. Really, he was about to go to bed for the night when the king had pulled him aside (looking like he’d just woken up himself) and asked, in the most serious tone he could muster, to _hide. Trust no one. Find a new home._

 

“It's like--” Ignis watched as he fumbled for his phone, then winced at the sudden light. He made a note to remind Noct to turn his phone brightness down before he slept to avoid this in the future, assuming he could even use it in the future. If all went well... “It’s _three._ C’mon.”

 

“Yes, and fate waits for no man.” He advanced on the bed in three swift steps, swinging the duffle over his shoulder. “Up and at ‘em. You can rest once we're on our way.”

 

“Where’re we goin’?” Noct asked, looking at him like he’d dropped well off the deep end. With all the nights Noct had dragged him out the window for ‘late night adventures’, he had no right to look at him like that; not really. Without needing a definite reply, though, he threw his comforter on the floor (Ignis winced) and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He was tired, Ignis knew, but he'd rather Noct be _tired_ than rotting dead somewhere.

 

* * *

 

_“Find Hammerhead, in Duscae. You will get help there.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Ignis tore out of the Citadel, Noct in tow, with an urgency in his bones he didn't know he possessed. Finding out a loved one had less than a year left to live (technically) did that to you, apparently. Noct yelped when Ignis took a corner too sharp, and while road safety was usually of utmost importance, Noct took current precedence, even if his fatigue-addled mind refused to realize that they could take a _break._ Either way, it was too late even for late-night drivers, and although people would be waking up soon, they should be out of the city by then.

 

“You gonna tell me what's up?” Noct yawned, rubbing his eye with one hand. Ignis should've packed a travel pillow. Damn.

 

“Once we’re on the ferry,” _once you're safe,_ “I can explain. Please understand.” He knew Noct had been trained for situations like these, even though Ignis had hoped something like this would never come to pass. _Especially_ not under these kinds of circumstances. He took a corner maybe a bit too sharp, but the tire tracks he undoubtedly left weren't very important to him right now.

 

“This is… really serious, isn't it?” Noct twisted in his seat to watch the Citadel’s structure disappearing behind them. Only the top of the building would be visible from here, maybe less if they were making good time. “Is Dad gonna be okay?”

 

 _You're the first priority._ “I don't know.” _The only priority._ Sounding less than grave was a struggle, but he managed well enough, he hoped. “Please, try to get some sleep. It'll only be more difficult from here on out.”

 

“I…” He studied Ignis close for a moment. Be wouldn't find anything, considering half his energy was going into looking unreadable. “Okay.” Scooting down in his seat, he leaned his head against the window frame. When Ignis looked over his eyes were shut, and though he was certain Noct wasn't asleep - how could he sleep right now? - he looked peaceful enough bathed in the artificial glow of passing street lamps.

 

“I'll wake you when we get there.” Half an hour to go. Noct made a noise, far too alert for someone on the verge of napping, and Ignis knew he wouldn’t be getting any more sleep. He was concerned, as he had every right to be; Ignis was worried, too, after all.

 

They rode in silence for a while, a good twenty minutes, before Noct spoke up. He was slurring his words like he'd thought of it just before he'd let himself rest, and it just about broke Ignis’ heart.

 

“Am I gonna die?”

 

Ignis swallowed. He'd never been more sure of anything in his life.

 

“I would lay down my life before I let that happen.” Another sharp turn. “I swear.”

 

He watched out of the corner of his eye while Noct played with his fingers, sluggish and only half aware. It was obvious he was thinking about something, trying to piece things together with information no one had given him, with the added benefit of exhaustion. There were many questions to be asked, and Ignis was prepared to answer exactly none of them.

 

“Could you hand me an Ebony? There's a fresh pack in the back seat.” Cold air could only help so much in the way of wakefulness and he had doubts he was going to sleep tonight. Noct nodded, still drowsy, and not a second later a can, already open, was being held before him. He downed most of it in one go.

 

* * *

 

_“Please. Save my son.”_

 

* * *

 

The ferry didn't run this early. It was around four, they had another hour, and Noct insisted upon breakfast. “As long as I'm not sleeping,” he said, digging through their duffel bag until he found enough change for a danish from one of the (decrepit) vending machines just outside the station. If he looked close enough, there would probably be cobwebs inside, and he doubted it’d been refilled with anything fresh any time in the past year.

 

“You want some?” Noct held the ill-advised pastry out to him and Ignis blanched. Ignoring the fact that there was _no way_ that tasted any sort of pleasant, his stomach was in knots and the thought of putting anything in his mouth made him edge right into nauseous.

 

“No, thank you.” This did not stop Noct on his quest to feed him. Really, he didn’t know how he wanted to eat, but he supposed that only having vague knowledge of the situation at hand was acting in his favor.

 

“Listen.” He was still tired, this much was obvious, but he was using the same voice he'd used to address visiting dignitaries. “You don't have to tell me what's going on. _Yet,_ ” he urged the danish forward, “but you do have to eat.”

 

There was a fair point, somewhere in his logic. His drowsiness would probably abate, at least a bit, if he had some sugar in him.

 

“...What's in it?” Mm, subpar vending machine pastries. Noct wanted him to eat it, though, and he was in a mood that made him especially want to cater to his whims, so he opened his mouth without complaint or further required explanation. Though, he did glare at him, which felt something like fitting revenge.

 

Noct grinned shakily, fully aware that he’d won this battle _far_ too easily. “Cheese.”

 

He took a bite. It wasn't _terrible_ _,_ as far as months old vending machine food went. Awfully convenient, though he wished Noct would have chosen something with more… well, there weren’t really any better options, were there?

 

“Not bad, right?” Noct took another bite, sitting back in the lobby chairs. They were lucky the waiting rooms opened early.

 

“Not entirely terrible, no.” Still, he didn’t feel great, and he’d prefer crackers for his stomach as compared to something full of sugar. He needed to settle down before the ferry arrived, but he had a fair amount of time; an hour and however long it took to load on the Regalia and get on the boat. “You're getting some proper food once we get to the mainland.”

 

“ _I’m_ going to be getting fries. _”_ It was comforting to know Noct was at least trying to act normal. His voice was strained, and he knew Noct knew that Ignis picked up on it. “We aren't gonna have to like, sleep in the car, right? Like, we have money?”

 

“As much as I love her, no.” He mentally took inventory of his pocket, where he could still feel the money (all cash, of course, because a paper trail would be inconvenient at best) pressing up against his thigh. “we needn't worry for at least a week.” More, if they were careful.They would run out eventually, whether they blew it on garbage or not.

 

“When can we go back?”

 

_Never._

 

“I... couldn’t tell you.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

“ _Good luck.”_

 

* * *

 

 

The sea breeze was pleasant enough, but brought little respite from the worry he felt bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Really, they could have _waited,_ which he’d realized, and regretted. He didn't have to bring Noct as much anxiety as he was sure he had when he dragged him out of bed in the dead of night, and now that he was staring out into the horizon, Noct at his side, he could figure out that much.

 

The subject of his - not _problems,_ but - shifted against his shoulder. He'd finally managed to get some sleep once they'd left shore, though Ignis wasn't sure how restful it would be. He kept moving, nudging closer to him like he was trying to get away from something.

 

Ignis couldn't blame him. He'd probably scared him out of his wits.

 

When the foghorn blew, Noct jumped, babbling all kinds of nonsense as he sat up pin-straight beside him. Chest heaving, eyes wide as he took in his surroundings, Ignis could see him trembling. He still had nightmares - Ignis hadn’t known.

 

“... _Fuck,”_ he hissed upon the realization that no, he wasn't in immediate danger, and _no,_ nothing was trying to eat him. He didn't look too upset, though, not as he’d expected, just... tired. Absolutely exhausted. He leaned his head back against the wall behind their bench. How long had he been having the nightmares again? Ignis always knew before, Noct always _told him,_ but now… “Fuck.”

 

“Language, please.” He swallowed down the pain in his chest, “We are in public.”

 

“Yeah, who's gonna hear me?” He was just afraid. He didn’t mean to come off as belligerent. “The fu-” he paused, either for the emphasis or because his brain wasn’t processing things fast enough for him to think of a new word. Or, most likely, a mixture of both. “ _reakin’_ captain? I don't think so.”

 

“I suppose not.” Noct rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. He would be like this for a while, and this was no state for him to be told anything, especially not to be informed of his impending death. Maybe Ignis just didn’t want to think about it. “Coffee?”

 

“I guess.”

 

Ignis nodded and pulled a can of Ebony from the duffle bag, passing it over to Noct. He needed his energy, and they couldn't eat until they docked.

 

“Why couldn't we bring Gladio?” His thumb circled the overhang of the can, and his voice had gone flat. It was a good question, one Ignis didn't know the answer to. Regis hadn't said to wait for anyone - he was probably just as panicked as Ignis was. From what he’d told him, it’d come in some kind of dream, so he’d probably been disoriented. No one could blame him.

 

“I don't know.” He couldn't bring himself to look at Noct again, who was gripping his pant leg so hard his knuckles were white. He hadn't even had time to change out of pajamas. They must've looked strange to any passers by, but this early in the morning the only people who would see them would be working on the ferry, and Ignis was sure they’d seen stranger.

 

“Why don't you _know anything?_ Can I at least text Prompto to let _him_ know?”

 

“No.” Phones could be tracked. Of course, reasonably, he knew that Astrals couldn’t track phones, but once the prince was announced missing (or dead, as his majesty would have to decide) he’d be a target, and something easily tracked was not the wisest decision to make. “Turn off your cell. We’ll be getting burner phones.”

 

“Burner… phones…” Frowning, he followed through, turning off his phone and tucking it back into his pocket.

 

“No tracking.” They were going to get lost and never be found, ideally. Not by anyone who would hurt Noct, at least. Biting at the inside of his cheek, he watched as Noct stood.

 

“I'm gonna take a walk.”

 

“Be careful not to fall over the rails.” That should be safe enough. They wouldn't be in real danger for a long while, at least until it was announced that Noct was gone, but there was no harm in a healthy head start - other than the unfortunate side effect of

uprooting people from house and home. “It could be slippery.”

 

“Ha ha.”

 

Watching Noct’s figure turn a corner, he sighed, and let his hands relax in his lap. He was nursing one hell of a migraine, and his shoulders ached, but Noct was safe. He'd be safe.

 

Slowly, he closed his eyes and took a breath.

 

Even if he had to die… that would be fine. Noct’s safety was all that mattered.

 

* * *

 

He was jostled awake by Noct’s hand on his shoulder, and a grumpy, “ _I'm_ supposed to be the sleepy one, not _you.”_

 

“I've barely gotten a wink in two days,” he looked up at Noct through skewed glasses, “Humor me, would you?”

 

Noct shrugged and sat beside him, “We’re probably gonna be docking soon. It's been long enough.” He looked at Ignis through the corner of his eye. “Can I know what happened now?”

 

He sighed.

 

“There's no simple way to explain this.”

 

“Tell me anyway.” Their shoulders bumped together. Ignis stared off over the short expanse of sea, as well as the dock approaching in the distance while Noct watched in anticipation, but he knew well enough that waiting for an answer would be better than hearing something half thought out and clumsy.

 

“Your father wasn't entirely sure himself, but,” he looked out to the expanse of ocean and the land mass approaching them. “the Astrals are… they aren’t happy. With us.”

 

“... Okay? Not like they’re, like, super happy in the first place.”

 

He took a moment to collect his thoughts, “they want you.” The rate his Noct’s skin paled when Ignis looked at him was both concerning and impressive. Hands on his knees, his nails (ragged, because he couldn’t be bothered to cut them properly) were digging into the fabric of his pants. “We will not allow this.”

 

“...Right.” At least he didn’t sound like he was going to cry, even if the sarcastic tone left some to be desired. That was… good. Maybe. “Specs, they're _Gods._ If the Astrals want me gone-”

 

“Then we'll continue until we lie dead at their feet. If we go down, then we go down swinging.”

 

Noct looked at him, wide-eyed - like he’d immediately lost all hope and Ignis was there, holding a candle in the darkness - then off to the side, his eyelashes casting a shadow onto his cheeks. He was quiet for too long, their breathing the only noise in between them. Noct was still shaking, if only a little. Only enough for Ignis to notice.

 

“...Thanks.” Noct said, voice still shaking, then held his hand out in a loose fist. After some hesitation, Ignis brought his own hand up and bumped their knuckles together.

 

“It's a pastime.”

 

Noct snorted. He was putting on a brave face, and they both knew it. “What _ever_ . You dragged me out of bed at three in the morning for a _pastime?”_

 

“Well, you've certainly done the same to me. What would you call sneaking out every night? School nights, at that.” He and Noct grinned at each other, simple enough. Stuffing their feelings down was significantly easier, he found. “Your livelihood?”

 

“My _hobby.”_

 

“Ah, of course. Why take up knitting when you could wander the streets of Insomnia?”

 

“Exactly.” They shared eye contact for a moment, and where they would’ve usually laughed, they just… smiled. It was easier this way. They could pretend they felt alright, at least for now.

 

Ignis had gotten lost in the waves crashing up against the boat when Noct yawned, head right up against his shoulder, and the horn sounded again as the ferry started to dock. At least this time he didn’t jump out of his skin.

 

“We’re, uh,” he cleared his throat, took a moment for the air to clear, and then looked to Ignis, far too serious for someone only nineteen-going-on-twenty. “We’re not gonna go back, are we?” He knew the answer, and Ignis knew the answer, but pretending just a little longer couldn't hurt.

 

“...Someday.” If they somehow managed to beat out the Gods, that was. They _would,_ though, definitely, and if his suspension of disbelief kept him running long enough to keep Noct safe the next fifty, sixty years of his natural (and it _would_ be natural, if Ignis had any say in it) lifespan, then so be it. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter [x](http://www.twitter.com/LGN1S),  
> Commission Information [x](http://www.makeela.tumblr.com/tagged/commissions)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why don’t you just ask for directions?”
> 
> The corner of his mouth twitched.
> 
> “That would be the easy way out, yes.”
> 
> That got Noct laughing genuinely enough that it settled Ignis down some. “You are _such_ a dude sometimes.”

Ignis didn’t realize just how hungry he was until they walked into the Crow’s Nest. It was kind of empty, but Wednesday mornings were never busy in the restaurant business (as far as he was aware, though compared to Insomnia this was a whole new level), so he could probably let his guard down long enough to get something to eat. Maybe some coffee, too, even though diner coffee was  _ never  _ good.

 

Obviously, the Astrals couldn’t take a physical form to kill Noct. Or, they could, but Ignis figured the larger issue would be that they were out of the crown city with very little in ways of protection. Until they found out what Regis announced (was Noct dead or just missing? Something else entirely? Would it even be mentioned?) then he had to be on guard. He didn’t know what kind of ne’er do wells were in this part of Lucis.

 

All eyes were on them as they entered, but that was almost definitely because no one was there besides him, Noct, and a suspicious-looking old man in the corner.

 

He wasn’t suspicious  _ per se,  _ he didn’t have an obvious weapon and he wasn’t staring at them, but Ignis wasn’t sure who to trust here. Paranoia was an obvious step to take, here.

 

When they got a seat (there was only one waitress working right now, it looked like, and while she wasn’t busy she also wasn’t paying attention) Noct slid down in the booth until his feet were resting on Ignis’ side. Shadows hung under his eyes but he’d only gotten a few hours, and Ignis was sure he looked very much the same. The waitress took their drink orders (coffee, both of them) and then they were left to entertain themselves for however long it took her.

 

“Tired?” Ignis asked, scooting so there was marked space between his thigh and Noct’s feet. He really needed new shoes. The soles looked like they'd run out ages ago, which explained Noct’s moody streak for the past few weeks, at least. Wet socks were more than enough to put him in a mood.

 

“Yeah,” he said, though eyes weren’t on Ignis, rather, he was watching the chef behind the counter. Avoidance at best. “Kind of, um, shell shocked, too. I guess.” At least he was talking. It wasn’t a novel, but Noct never liked to spend time putting his feelings into words.

 

“That’s only natural.” Their waitress - Dana, he didn’t want to be rude - let the ceramic of their cups clink on the table when she put them down. Noct shouldn’t have gotten coffee, and Ignis wanted to warn him against it but the look he gave them when they were ordering was enough to stave him off. Still, he didn’t know why he pretended to like it when it was  _ so obvious  _ he didn’t,  _ especially  _ from an 24 hour diner in the middle of nowhere. Good coffee would be bad enough, but watching him choke down this liquid tar would be borderline painful. That, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep in the car. “Thank you. He’ll take cream and sugar, as well.”

 

“What-”

 

Noct couldn’t properly object before the waitress took a handful out of her apron’s pocket, put them on the table in front of Noct, and turned on her heel with a halfhearted “call me if you need anything.” Being enthusiastic was a part of one’s job, but the irritation at her, at the very least, not having stopped to take their food order was passing at best. It was early, and it’s not like he and Noct were faring any better.

 

“You’ll need it,” he assured before taking a sip of his own. It was too bitter, as expected, and tasted… a bit more like dirt than Ignis was entirely comfortable with. Nothing like his Ebony, and while he still had a decent supply of those in the Regalia, it never hurt to conserve.

 

Glaring down at the packets of cream and sugar, Noct took a sip of his coffee. Of course, he soon realized his mistake, made a sour face, and reached for the packets on the table. Ignis was nearly surprised he didn’t spit it out, considering his less than positive track record with food he didn’t like. 

 

“Yeah, okay, you were right.” Noct dumped a liberal amount - four of the cream and sugar, respectively - into the cup before trying it again. Obviously he wasn’t very happy about it considering the face he made, but he kept drinking it nonetheless. “Nasty.”

 

“There’s no need to be overdramatic, Noct.” Ignis took another sip. He was not being overdramatic. Though, with as much as he’d poured into it, Ignis was surprised he could taste what was left at all.

 

“ _ Right. _ ” Playfully, he nudged Ignis’ thigh with the side of his foot. Without anything left to say, Noct fell into silence, nursing at his overly-diluted coffee. Ignis didn’t want to push him to talk, especially when there wasn’t much to say - how does one talk about their own mortality so casually?

 

Nevertheless, he leaned over the table, as though someone would hear him (and truthfully, given the amount of people in the restaurant they probably would, he still didn’t trust the man in the corner, be that personal hangups or him  _ actually  _ being suspicious wasn’t for him to decide) and asked, “are you alright?”

 

Noct blinked at him, slowly, and his shoulders slumped.

 

“What do you think?”

 

Of course he wasn’t. That much was obvious, especially given his outbursts on the ferry, but… “I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah.” Staring down at the table was better than looking Ignis in the eyes. Noct was never good at eye contact when he was upset. “Yeah, I… yeah.”

 

This could’ve been easier. If Regis had known sooner, if he’d taken him away when he was baby or even … even if he didn’t give him so much  _ hope to live,  _ to  _ survive,  _ this would’ve been leagues easier. If he didn’t go through all the motions to be king, decades from now, when Regis is gone rather than when things go to Hell in a few years, it wouldn’t be this painful.

 

Ignis could hardly imagine how Noct felt. He didn’t know as much as Regis had told him, but Noct knew he was going to die, and that was enough to hurt. Reaching out, he covered Noct’s hand with his own and was, quite honestly, a bit shocked when he didn’t pull away. They hadn’t held hands since they were children and they didn’t care what was proper or not, and though Ignis didn’t think this was entirely within his boundaries as a friend or an advisor, they weren’t in Insomnia anymore and Noct certainly needed the comfort.

 

“We’ll figure something out.” Slowly, like Noct would startle, he brushed his thumb over his knuckles, “I swear it.”

 

“Right.” Obviously, Noct didn’t believe him. That was… fair, he supposed. After being told you’re destined to die, it must be hard to believe anything to the contrary. He hadn’t taken his hand back, though, and that had to count for something.

 

They got an outlandish, almost surprised look when Dana came back to get their orders five or so minutes later and they were still holding hands, and he supposed it might’ve looked strange to a random passerby, but frankly his ability to care had been tamped down by stress and at this point, he just wanted to help Noct feel better. Not that he  _ could,  _ not without moving mountains and changing the minds of the Astrals, but he would surely  _ try.  _

 

They’d both gotten pancakes, of course, because they both had an unfortunate sweet tooth (Ignis more so than Noct, which near everyone found surprising at first) and they’d been up all night, which Noct had told him meant they  _ had  _ to get pancakes. There was no arguing with that logic, but either way, who was he to say no? Noct had a rough night.

 

Besides, after a long fifteen (give or take) minutes of terse silence while they waited for their food, Noct bit into his pancakes and he looked  _ not devastated,  _ which was a first since he’d dragged him out of bed hours ago. Still sad, but not absolutely wrecked, and that was better than nothing. It wasn’t a terribly long time to be upset, but for Ignis it was a  _ decade,  _ and this was a welcome respite. The pancakes themselves weren’t terrible, definitely overmixed and the recipe was bare bones - probably a mix, realistically - but that was to be expected from a place like this. 

 

Dana came back after a few to top off their coffees, because they both must’ve looked like they needed it (and Gods, did they) and the check. Ignis sighed as Noct dumped yet more cream and sugar in, as though he wasn’t the one who thought of it in the first place.

 

“Let me know when you’re ready to head out.” They needed to get moving. Burner phones to buy, food to get, and then they’d be off to Duscae to find Hammerhead. It’d take them a few days to get there, probably, and more gas… budgeting was going to be difficult.

 

“Yeah,” Noct said, because he only had about two words in his vocabulary right now and Ignis didn’t blame him. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair stuck up every which way - probably slept in hair gel again. Obviously, he was tired, and about ready for a well-deserved nap.

 

“You can sleep in the car after this.” Noct had always had a tendency to sleep all day, and Ignis could be soft to that sometimes. Especially when he was looking like this. “We’re headed to the general store next door, and then we’ll be driving until nightfall.”   
  


“Gotcha.”

 

“I’m sure Gladio is worried sick by now. I’ll need to check in with him, if your father hasn’t informed him of everything already.” He knew Regis wouldn’t approve of it, but… “If you think he can handle it, you can call Prompto, as well.”

 

Noct perked up at that, and if Ignis felt a twinge of jealousy he would never admit it. “I trust him. He wouldn’t tell anyone.”

 

“Indeed.” He swallowed down the last of his coffee, frowning at the taste it left in his throat. Awful. “I’ll go take care of the check.” Noct nodded and dug through his pocket until he found a few gil, which he put neatly on the table, tucked beneath the edge of the menu rack. Noct had absolutely no tact, but it was comforting to know he  _ at least  _ knew how to tip waitstaff. Once they’d paid and made their way to the store - it was small, and obvious it wasn’t a chain - with Noct trailing behind him the whole way, Ignis let himself relax.

 

He knew what they needed. This would be easy.

 

Burner phones, food and water. A travel pillow for Noct, who threw a pack of gum and a bag of chips in his basket when he wasn’t looking.

 

“I suppose we can afford those.” Noct jumped and almost knocked the basket out of Ignis’ grip.

 

“I thought you wouldn’t-”

 

“I know.” 

 

“I can put them back.”

 

“Not necessary.” Noct deserved to have what he wanted, even if it was just… these little things. It was going to be tough, outrunning the Astrals, and they wouldn’t always have money for Noct to get junk food. It was fine. Besides, he wasn’t sure how Noct thought he was going to get it past the check out. Oh well.

 

“You sure?” His hand hovered over the bag and Ignis nodded.

 

“Certainly.” Could they get milk? Probably not. There was no decent way to store it; it’d spoil within the day and Noct was never a huge fan of it unless it was mixed into something else. Maybe he was over-shopping, there would always be another convenience store, and Noct looked dead on his feet.

 

“Can I get another coffee?” He was staring down the coffee machine like it’d wronged him. It probably would, if he drank any of it. “I can drive.”

 

Ignis stopped, turned towards Noct, and frowned. “Let’s skip the unnecessary anxiety for today.” The handle of the handbasket was digging into his elbow, making him painfully aware of how much junk he’d dumped into it. They didn’t need half of this. They could just stop  _ later.  _ The food would rot. 

 

“You can trust me, just,” he yawned into his hand, “you gotta sleep sometime.”

 

“I’ll sleep tonight.” He started sorting through what he had, trying to figure out what they actually  _ needed  _ and what was unnecessary. “Your driving when you’re alert has me biting a hole through my cheek.”

 

“Well,  _ that’s  _ why I’m getting coffee.” 

 

“Noct.” He stopped him with a hand on his wrist and he jolted at the contact, “I’m driving.”

 

There was still some fight in him, Ignis knew, but he cut him off with a piercing glare and then, without any desire to further the conversation, began making his way to the checkout counter. Noct needed to sleep right now, not to spend his time driving around and probably getting lost because he was  _ not  _ a good navigator, even with a GPS. Ignis wasn’t about to go to sleep and let Noct drive them somewhere they weren’t supposed to be just because he wanted Ignis to take a break, though he did appreciate the sentiment.

 

Noct pouted all the way through the line (which, admittedly, was only one other person in front of them buying a pack of cigarettes, apparently no one spent too much time this far north) and gave him an attitude when he asked if he needed to go to the bathroom before they headed off. Ignis thought it was a fair question, he  _ really  _ didn’t want to stop again until it was time to turn in unless it was for necessities, but he would stop again if necessary. Even if it was in an hour because Noct decided he needed to go to the bathroom. If he was just less  _ stubborn…  _ oh, well.

 

It was still early in the day by the look of the sky (and his watch), so it looked like they’d be driving for a good… twelve hours? Maybe fifteen? Before he had to stop for the night. Noct would sleep a decent chunk of it, probably, but Ignis needed him to be awake at some point both so he could eat and not be up all night; he knew he would be if Ignis didn’t take preventative measures.

 

“Noct, could you go fill up the Regalia?” It took him a moment to fish out his keys, and when he found them he tossed them at Noct, who fumbled them between his hands before he got a good hold on them.

 

“Thought you wanted me to sleep.”

 

“... Noct.” It’d been a long night. He was too tired for this. “I _ want  _ you to follow my instructions.”

 

“No shit.” Shifting his weight over to one leg, he continued, “You keep saying you know what’s best for me, but you won’t even -  _ I don’t even know what’s going on. _ ”

 

“I can explain.” He  _ really  _ didn’t want to get into an argument right now. Instead, he wanted a coffee, he wanted to find either Hammerhead or a motel, and he wanted to sort all of this out. Explanations were going to have to wait until they were on their way, away from prying ears that wanted to do Noct harm.

 

His paranoia was  _ perfectly justified,  _ thank you.

 

“Then explain it.” Ignis knew Noct wouldn’t move until he satisfied him.

 

“I will - in the car, if you’d fill it up for me while I get directions.” He preferred a map, considering the tracking issue that’d go along with mobile use, but there wasn’t one in the store. He’d have to check the gas station across the street. “Please, trust me.”

 

“...I do trust you,” Noct ran a hand through his hair, “I just-” he inhaled, slowly, “yeah. I trust you.” Ignis didn't mean to push. Really, he didn't. All he wanted was for Noct to be  _ safe,  _ and if keeping him in the dark as long as he could was the way to do it, then, well. “Can I have the phone? I’m gonna call Prompto. We had plans.”

 

“If you’re certain you need to. Be careful, though.” Tossing Noct one of the phones he’d just bought after he’d nearly dropped the keys probably wasn’t the best idea, but it was what he did. Burners were sturdy enough and either way, he caught the package without problem and started tearing away at it. “Only Prompto?”

 

“Might call Gladio, too. Depends on how long you take.”

 

“Once again-"

 

“Yeah. Be careful. I got it.” It was obvious enough that he was upset, and it probably wouldn't get any better once Noct got the whole story - or, as much of the story as Ignis had. Most of last night was a blur until he got Noct into the car, a half-dissociative haze that started with “Noctis is dying” and ended with him slamming on the gas. He probably could have taken his time, waited until they were both a bit more grounded and had the whole story, but he was worried, and tired, and all he wanted was to find somewhere that was hidden from  _ everything  _ and hide out for, ideally, the rest of their days.

 

With good sense to wait until he heard Noct greet Prompto (not because he didn’t trust him, he did, he just wanted to be sure), he turned back, off to find a map.

 

It took him a full twenty minutes to search the nearby gas station, but he did find one, tucked away behind some vacation pamphlets (hot air balloon rides over Altissia sounded rather nice, actually, and were the romantic implications not so glaringly obvious he'd suggest that he and Noct seek it out someday) and underneath a thick layer of dust.

 

Noct had made himself comfortable in his time away, travel pillow around his neck and feet up on the dashboard. He seemed to be finishing up his call, and when he got close enough he heard what he could only assume was the end of a conversation about  _ him. _

 

“- you're probably right, he’s just… yeah, yeah. Hey, I gotta go… yeah, I'll, uh.” He laughed, probably at something Prompto said. “I'll. Um. I’ll miss you too, dude. I guess,” Noct said flatly, and his stomach dropped. It shouldn't have, really; he had bigger problems right now, but… ouch. Noct seemed reluctant enough to say it but he was reluctant to say  _ anything  _ that spoke to how he felt, coerced or otherwise. “Don’t make it weird. Come on.” Opening the driver’s side door, he got in, prompting Noct to look over. “ _ No,  _ I'm not gonna get eaten by wild bears. What is wrong with you.” Noct rolled his eyes, “I  _ really  _ gotta go, though… yeah, bye.” He turned towards Ignis as well as he could without jostling his head from the pillow, which wasn’t very well, but the effort was appreciated. At least he’d seemed to have cooled down. “Got the map?”

 

“Yes, but in return we have to make a stop at Lestallum to trade a tea kettle for a basket of beets, grown in specialized fertilizer from the heart of Duscae. Then, we can give the beets to the shop owner’s cousin, who will give us a family heirloom of unspecified origin, which we must then take to the southernmost coast and drop it into the daily recurring riptide at six o’clock pm, sharp, so that-”

 

“You’re. You’re fucking with me, right.”

 

“Yes.” He unfolded the map, promptly realized he hadn’t read a  _ real  _ map in years, and heaved a sigh. It couldn’t be  _ too  _ difficult, and he was sure once he started he’d get the hang of it. Noct was watching him, he could feel it, and the will to know how to read this Godsdamned map spiked dramatically once he knew he was being observed.

 

“Confused?” Well, at least he sounded amused. Ignis knew it was just surface level, because as soon as he’d gotten off the phone he’d slumped down like there was a physical weight pressing down on his shoulders, but he could admire the thought behind it. “Damn, Cor was right. Smartphones  _ are  _ corrupting today’s youth.”

 

“... I know how to read a map.” Or, the legend, at least. Which was a promising start. Half of the problem was finding where they were, and then figuring out the fastest route from there to Hammerhead.

 

“Why don’t you just ask for directions?”

 

The corner of his mouth twitched.

 

“That would be the easy way out, yes.”

 

_ That  _ got Noct laughing genuinely enough that it settled Ignis down some. “You are  _ such  _ a dude sometimes.”

 

“I’ll ask for directions when I'm in need of them.” And he was not in need of them. He had a map right here, and he could  _ definitely  _ read it once he’d figured out… how to read it… ah! They had to be near the ferry, which was at the northern coast of the mainland, probably to the left of Insomnia, and… there they were!

 

He was going to ignore how inordinately difficult it was to find that, and how hard it was to see the distinct lines of the road with his current prescription. His glasses were fine, really, but with incredibly small things like this he was  _ hopeless. _

 

_ “ _ You ready to ask, Specs?” Noct already looked like he was seeking out someone to flag down.

 

“That won't be necessary.” Really, did he have no faith in him? He’d traced a line down from the docks to Hammerhead. It looked the fastest without running into any unnecessary distractions, including but not limited to especially interesting fast food restaurants and local landmarks. Ignis knew Noct wasn’t one for those kinds of things, not usually, until they were in an argument later and he brought up how he  _ totally  _ wanted to go and  _ why didn’t Ignis stop.  _

 

Gods, he missed his GPS. Couldn’t have anything that could be tracked, though, so he was stuck with traditional maps and burner phones. Sure, he had a decent sense of direction, but he hadn’t spent much time at all down in the mainland, so it was pretty much unfamiliar territory everywhere he looked.

 

“You, uh. You sure?” Noct was leaning over his shoulder, now, trying to read the map. Ignis glared at him and he backed off, physically more than anything, leaning back against the opposite window. “Alright. Jeez. Just trying to help.”

 

“Of course.” In his periphery he watched Noct settle into the seat when the engine turned over, “I appreciate it.” He didn’t want Noct to feel bad about this - about  _ any  _ of this, even if it was nigh unavoidable. Once he turned onto the street he could feel Noct’s eyes on him again, and he knew it was time to get talking. He was kind of feeling sick about it, if he was being honest (or that might’ve been the diner food, which was more likely) but he…  _ had  _ to do it. Noct wouldn’t let something like this die and Ignis was wrong for keeping it from him. Maybe he hoped if it didn’t sink in Noct would be… not more tolerable, because that would be cruel, but  _ happier.  _

 

“I don’t know much more than you do, truthfully.” Ignis hadn’t spotted a sign yet, but he was fairly sure that going this fast wasn’t entirely legal. The authority down here was all but worthless, though, and while he didn’t want to abuse his political position he would if he had to. “Your father… didn’t tell me much. Not before he sent me off to find you.”

 

“It’s gotta be more than you’re telling me.”

 

“That’s true.” This was remarkably difficult, not just because it was hard news to break but because he didn’t want to  _ think  _ about it for longer than a minute at a time. “The message was vague, at best. Only that you don’t have long, and-”  _ you’re supposed to save everyone from an impending darkness,  _ “-you were… chosen, as it were. To.” he swallowed thickly. He didn’t want to say it. “Sacrifice yourself. We have to hide, and if we don’t…” Ignis refused to say it again. Noct wasn’t dumb, he could figure it out. “I know very little, other than that. I suspect your father had a similar issue, considering how quickly I was told. Only that we must hide, and I must protect you.”

 

“... Oh.” His bravado, false or otherwise, left him all in a rush after that, “chosen, huh? So there’s… not an easy way out of this?”

 

Not unless he rolled over and died, which Ignis would not allow. Not while he still breathed, at least.

 

“I'm afraid not, no.” 

 

It took Noct’s extended silence for him to build the courage to look over, and he immediately regretted it. Noct wasn't crying, but he was whiter than a sheet and Ignis could tell that he was well on his way to a breakdown. He couldn't blame him.

 

“So, uh…” Ignis wished he had the answers to every question Noct was about to ask, but this was a hard conversation and he had the burning feeling no answer would be good enough. “Why'd they pick me?” He sounded so… small. Broken. Like he'd reverted to the frail, wheelchair-bound boy he remembered, who startled too easily and screamed in his sleep. Instead of waiting for a reply, he continued, “I mean, it's just… it's not  _ fair.” _

 

It really, really wasn't.

 

“It’s going to be alright.” It wasn't much of a comfort, Ignis knew that much, but it was all he had to give. He'd take his hand if they weren't wound together in his lap so tightly that it looked painful. The news from this morning must’ve finally been sinking in with the new puzzle pieces to fill the gaps, and whatever Noct felt before must’ve been kicked into overdrive.

 

“You don't know that.” As true as that statement was, they could certainly try. Out of the corner of his eye, Noct licked his lips, glanced at Ignis, and then dug his face into his pillow. “Whatever.”

 

Ignis knew well enough that he shouldn't push it. Noct didn't like to express his feelings, he knew this, and all that he'd said today was enough to exhaust him for a full week. He'd leave him be.

 

Eventually, there came a point where Ignis wasn't sure if Noct was sleeping or just catatonic. He said little since Ignis dropped the bomb on him that no, this was  _ fate,  _ and  _ technically  _ there’d be no way to avoid his death. He'd pulled over to get some food in them and stretch his legs - eight or nine hours of driving was just setting him up for cramps - and Noct hadn't moved an inch. 

 

“Can I tempt you with fast food?” He asked, wanting to reach out, maybe touch his arm, or… something. Let him know he wasn’t alone in this.

 

That was the problem, though. Ignis couldn’t possibly understand how Noct felt - even though he’d gratefully accepted the possibility of his own death at the hands of anyone who dared threaten Noct, it was still different than hearing that the Astrals had it out for you. Not to mention he was fairly certain that if he tried anything, Noct would just lash out, so distance was  _ probably  _ the best option for the moment. Waiting for Noct to reach out was safer.

 

“Mm.” Well that certainly wasn’t conclusive. He’d get him something anyway, and if he didn’t want to eat it (which Ignis couldn’t hold him at fault for, even if he wanted Noct to have his three square meals a day) then he’d keep it for later. 

 

“Alright, well,” he opened the door and stepped out of the car, “stay here. I’ll be back.”

 

Noct didn’t reply. This, of course, was to be expected, but it stung all the same. He didn’t want to think about Noct being upset about this, and although being distraught to this level was perfectly natural, it hurt that there wasn’t any way to help him out of it.

 

When he came back he wasn’t too shocked to see Noct in the same position he’d left him, half asleep with his head tipping against the window. A burger and fries wouldn’t make anything  _ better,  _ of that he was sure, but maybe it was good enough to get him to look less miserable. It was making his hands greasy enough just holding the bag, so maybe he’d appreciate it.

 

“Noct.” He reached out, maybe somewhat reluctantly, and put a hand on his shoulder. “I got you something.”

 

“Don’t want it.” Alright, so he  _ was  _ awake. That wasn’t comforting. “Not hungry.”

 

“You haven’t eaten since this morning.” He had to eat  _ something,  _ he’d only feel worse if he starved himself. It hadn’t been too long, really, but it’d be a long time before they stopped again for food. “Please.”

 

Noct didn’t even look up, “I don’t want it.” He shook off Ignis’ hand and shrunk into the corner of the seat. 

 

“... Alright.” Climbing back into the car, he reached around to put the bag of food in the back (where it’d grease up the leather, but that was the least of his concerns), “It’ll be back there if you decide you want it.” Really, he’d make Noct eat it eventually. By the time they settled down for the night, at least.

 

“Do you have to-”   
  
“No.”   
  
“Alright.” 

 

His chest ached for Noct, honestly, deeply; down into his bones, and were he not responsible for his wellbeing right now Ignis would  _ very  _ much enjoy a drink, maybe a bath, and then a long nap. Of course, he wouldn’t have any of those luxuries for a long time, or at least not until Noct was in a place of indefinite safety. 

 

Bringing the sun visor down so it shielded his eyes - the sun was above them, edging towards the horizon - he sighed. Apparently he’d overestimated how many daylight hours they’d have, and once it started threatening sunset he’d have to find somewhere to stay. That shouldn’t be too much of an issue, of course, and the leather of his gloves squeaked when he tightened his hands on the wheel.

 

This wasn’t going to be easy, but their first stop was Hammerhead. That’s… all Regis told him, like it would answer all of their questions, and putting this much faith in a  _ car repair shop  _ (there was a brief description on the map) did not seem like the best course of action. Still, that was what Regis wanted, and it was still his job to do what he was told as long as Noct wasn’t in any immediate danger.

 

But first: sleep. It was slowly climbing his list of priorities; willpower could only keep one awake for so long, but did nothing for the competency of their driving skills. Remembering a motel he’d seen on the map (Ignis’ memory was good for that, after all) he figured it shouldn’t be more than an hour or two until they got there and by then the sun should’ve set, anyway. He hoped Noct could sleep once they got there, considering he hadn’t moved an inch for hours, but Ignis had the sinking feeling that he was awake for most of it.

 

Noct’s voice was soft when he spoke up again, not an hour later, shaking like he’d been trying to keep himself from crying. “I wanna go home.”

 

“As do I.”  _ I’m sorry. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t until the third night, trapped in a sub-par motel room together, that everything went to Hell.

It wasn’t until the third night, trapped in a sub-par motel room together, that everything went to Hell.

 

Noct had been refusing to eat for days now, ever since he’d found out about his fate. Ignis couldn’t say he was surprised, certainly not - Noct had always had  tumultuous relationship with food, and if no one reminded him he wouldn’t eat until his body gave up on him - but he  _ was  _ worried. He managed some water at Ignis’ behest at least once a day, but Noct would refuse to eat until Ignis complained at him to the point that he angrily scarfed down whatever he saw first and then asked him if he was ‘happy yet?’ Ignis would give him a worried look, and Noct would growl at him and curl right back up into his corner.

 

It had been a hard few days. Hammerhead was coming up soon, should be there by midday tomorrow, but they had to stop in the interest of their general safety.

 

It was dark already when they got in, and Ignis had been nervous about daemons when they pulled into the parking lot, but this area was well lit and they’d gotten this far, so they should be fine. His hand was sluggish when he swiped the keycard on the door, and he barely got his shoes off before he collapsed into bed and fell asleep. Except he couldn't. Half because  _ Noct would be getting the bed, he deserved it,  _ and half because he wouldn't let himself fall asleep until he was certain Noct was one hundred percent unconscious. He’d been extra moody today, and Ignis wasn’t mad, but he was reaching the end of his rope. So, to distract himself, he showered - which he was in dire need of, really - and upon his exit, he found what he’d hoped for, finally: Noct, tucked neatly into bed. Soon enough he joined him, collapsing on the floor the moment he got on enough clothes to be considered decent.

 

It was still dark when he next woke, and he was about to drift off again when he noticed it. All the blankets and pillows on the bed had been tossed aside, and Noct had left his bed. Upon further inspection, the sheets were cold, and from what he could see the room was, in fact, empty.

 

Gods, he hoped Noct wasn't doing anything stupid. If he had run away he would, in Gladio’s words,  _ kick his ass.  _ Maybe. Only after checking to assure his general well being and lack of desire to repeat the incident, though, because anything less would be improper care taking, and he couldn’t have that.

 

His stomach churned when he heard retching coming from the direction of the bathroom - he wasn’t sure if he felt  _ better  _ knowing Noct was still here or  _ worse  _ knowing he hadn’t run and was just sick. Peeling himself from his blankets and stepping over their discarded blankets that’d tangled together on the floor, Ignis stopped right at the threshold and rapped two knuckles on the door.

 

“Noct?”

 

At no reply past a very audible, shuddering breath, Ignis went ahead and opened the door. It was rude, but it’d be worse to leave Noct on his lonesome when he was like this, and it was was fairly easy to justify once he got a full hold on the situation. Peeking around the corner, he opened the door slowly, and the ungreased hinges on the door made him wince.

 

He heard Noct first, rather than saw him; he was sobbing into the toilet bowl in between half-aborted gags, and when he  _ did  _ lay eyes on him, his skin was pale. Waxy, almost, from the moisture on his skin. Soaked through with sweat, his shirt clung to his skin and made the way his spine and ribs protruded more visible than usual. Despite his lingering desire to ask what was  _ wrong _ ,  _ who did this, was it food poisoning,  _ he sealed his lips and instead knelt beside him. Noct would appreciate that more, he thought, than a line of questioning he probably couldn’t answer.

 

Rubbing wide circles into his back, he frowned, making out what he could without glasses. His hair stuck out every way, and when Ignis tried to brush his bangs back they swept half back across his forehead and half in the air, stiff from sweat and stale hair product.

 

“Noct,” he began, before he was promptly cut off.

 

“Please leave.” His voice was hoarse; he'd definitely have a sore throat in the morning, and he didn't even bother to raise his head to look at him. The lack of direct command was… concerning, considering Noct rarely used the ‘please’ card. At least, not when he wasn’t trying to get something he  _ knew  _ Ignis would be adverse to.

 

“I’m not going to do that.” Did Noct really expect him to just leave him like this? That was ridiculous.

 

“Why  _ not _ ?” Noct winced at the way his own voice wavered, “there's no point, just-” he heaved again, but his stomach must've been empty because that was all it was. Sounded dreadful. “- you can't change fate, and, oh  _ Gods,”  _ he sat still long enough for the nausea to pass, then continued, more broken than before, “just  _ stop it. _ ”

 

“I can’t.” Not even if he tried. Noct would tell him it was just a sense of duty but he wouldn’t - refused to - understand that he saw him as a  _ friend,  _ not just his charge.

 

“C’mon, dude, just-” the way Noct insisted upon bargaining with him to get Ignis to leave him to suffer was grating on his nerves, “just  _ let me die.”  _

 

...Well. That hurt him like a dagger to the chest, to put it mildly. His hand stilled on his back, and he was absolutely  _ speechless  _ for a good few moments before he managed to drag himself back together. This was not a good time for this kind of conversation.

 

“You're not dying.” Sure, he'd spent most of the past few days trying to keep to that line of thinking, and spent more time sitting on the doubt that gnawed at his insides. Noct didn't need to know that, though; he needed Ignis to be  _ certain,  _ so, for him, he was. “Noct, look at me.” He whined loudly in response, his nails scraping against the bowl. “Noct.” Was he ignoring him?  _ “Noctis.” _

 

Noct stiffened at the usage of something other than a nickname, then reluctantly turned his head - like he was in _trouble,_ or like Ignis would somehow blame him for this. Disregarding whatever that made him feel, he finally got a good look at what he was dealing with. Really, he wished he hadn't, because as soon as he saw his face his stomach dropped right through the floor. His eyes were bloodshot and his skin was splotchy, tear stained and flushed. Mostly, though, he just looked _sad._ Achingly so, the kind that radiates off in waves and demands constant attention.

 

“You’re  _ not  _ going to die.” 

 

“Are you-”

 

“ _ You’re not going to die.” _

 

They stared at each other, too stubborn to say anything more until Noct’s lip started quivering again and Ignis  _ knew  _ the tears were going to spill over any second, no matter how hard he tried to keep them in. Noct was a trooper, as far as he knew he’d kept it together for days now, but the floodgates had broken and he knew how this was going to go. Either Noct would storm out of the bathroom and crawl into bed, then cold shoulder him for the rest of the week,  _ or  _ he would finally talk to Ignis, and … he’d never gotten much farther than that before, so he really had no idea what to expect.

 

“I don’t want to, it's just...” His voice broke and his shoulders hunched, “there's no way around it, but I-  I just- I don’t  _ want _ to die.  _ I don’t wanna die.”  _ He repeated it over and over, too quiet and broken, barely above a whisper. Noct hardly winced (which he truthfully thought was more out of instinct than genuine fear) when Ignis carefully pulled him in, not stopping until his forehead was against his collarbone. Noct was awkward about it, but that wasn’t different than it was with any other physical contact; his hands curled up on the floor, and then his thighs, before Ignis got fed up, spread his knees, and pulled Noct so far forward he was nearly sitting in his lap.

 

This was… different. Noct had never done  _ this _ before, and neither of them had been comfortable enough to get this close, but he supposed learning about your impending death warranted a new kind of reaction. He ran his fingers through the matted hair at the back of Noct’s head, and made a note to himself to make sure he washed it tomorrow. Even a sink wash would do, considering at this point he'd either have to or it'd turn sentient and possibly kill them.

 

“You're not going to.”  _ I’ll save you.  _ “You're safe, you're safe, you're safe,” Eyes stinging, he rocked Noct back and forth; he was close to crying, himself, but couldn't allow himself to - not in front of Noct. It would be an admission of something he hadn't wanted to think about, and making Noct think about it was undoubtedly worse.

 

But Gods, he was so,  _ so  _ scared. Even more than when they were children and Noct came home in a wheelchair, or when he lived alone and got a call from his school saying he'd passed out in class (which was when he'd started doing Noct’s grocery shopping, because apparently he couldn't do it himself). To say he was terrified, really, would be an understatement.

 

Still, after a good long while of Noct shaking against his chest, his tears hot against his skin, he couldn’t hold it back any longer. It wasn't out of sadness - though there was plenty there, a well deep enough to drown in if he let himself think on it too long - but rather because he was  _ petrified  _ at the thought of losing him. He buried his nose in his hair, careful to not make a sound, and painstakingly paced his breathing. If he was lucky, Noct wouldn’t notice. Of course, he couldn’t have that much because he only lasted a few minutes before Noct caught on.

 

“Hey, are you,” Noct pulled back, just enough to see his face. His expression changed into something concerned and Ignis almost felt guilty for not expecting this, for making this about him when it was about  _ Noct. _ “Are you crying?”

 

“It hardly matters,” he sniffed, swallowing down the lump in his throat. “How’re you feeling?” Really, he  _ was  _ more interested in Noct’s well being at the moment, considering his own well being hinged heavily upon Noct’s. If he was unhappy, then there was no way Ignis would be happy, and that’s just how it was - how it'd always been.

 

Noct promptly ignored him, foregoing an answer to cup Ignis jaw; his voice was still thick when he spoke, too shaky to be entirely sure of what he was saying. Still, he visibly steeled himself, and Ignis admired him for it. He wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to do the same.

 

“I’m not-” he watched Ignis through bleary eyes, trying to convey his (inflated, for both of their sakes) sincerity. “I’m not gonna die, right?” He combed Ignis’ hair back, and surprisingly enough, Noct seemed more comfortable with touching him than he'd been in years. Desperation would do that. His bangs were limp after having washed them, and hung inconveniently in the way, though he couldn't particularly see whether they were in his face or not. “You said so, so, like…” when he inhaled it was too noisy for Ignis’ liking, far too labored, and the way he spoke - quickly, like he was trying to get everything out before he broke again - hurt. “Stop crying, c’mon,” Noct was too close, and maybe he was focusing too hard on the tremble of his lips because he nearly missed the way Noct was staring at him. He was searching for an answer that Ignis was in absolutely no position to give.

 

“Do you trust me?” he asked, and Noct nodded. “Then you’re going to be fine. I’d bet my life on it,” he half lied, tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear. It was something Noct usually  _ hated,  _ but at the moment he didn’t seem too monumentally bothered. In fact, his eyes closed at the feeling; he must’ve found it comforting. Ignis was glad.

 

Noct closed his eyes, leaned in and nodded against his neck -  slowly, like it was physically exhausting, which, after the day he had? It had every right to be. He relaxed into him, leading with one shoulder to cover the left side of his chest completely, though he kept his fists tight between them and his breathing kept catching.

 

“I hate this floor,” he said, eventually, and in between sniffles, like it was a good time for casual conversation. “Shitty linoleum. Probably didn’t even mop in here.” 

 

“Not too much variation in between motels, I’m afraid,” he chuckled out of relief rather than actual joy, but it was better than nothing. Wishing Noct didn’t have to get used to it wouldn’t do them any good, unfortunately, so instead of chasing desires he sighed and ran a hand down Noct’s clothed back. They both sounded sleepy and much too sad; with a cursory glance out of the bathroom to the bedside table he confirmed that yes, they had a decent few hours before they needed to move. 

 

“There’s a nice bed out there for you to sleep in, hm?” Convincing a rock to move would be easier while Noct was in this kind of state, but Ignis wasn’t about to move if  _ Noct  _ didn’t want to. Sleeping on the floor wasn’t high on his list of priorities, though, so he figured he should try to convince him. “Much better than sleeping on the bathroom floor.” 

 

It took a full minute for him to reply, and when he did, he sounded  _ exhausted.  _ Too exhausted to move, some would say, but not Ignis, solely because the allure of a pillow was strong. “Don’t wanna.”

 

“And why not? You wouldn’t want to waste it.” It was time to bring out the Big Guns. “We won’t have these kinds of luxuries for long…” 

 

“S’gross.” Ignis was tipping. Oh, Gods. He did  _ not  _ want to lay flat on this floor, thank you. “Don’t gotta try’n guilt trip me. You’re not my mom.”

 

He would certainly  _ hope  _ Noct didn't see him as a maternal figure. That would be odd, to put it nicely; terribly disturbing if he was being blunt. Still, he reached back with one hand to stabilize himself, and used the other to coax Noct out from the crook of his neck, the sudden loss of heat making his skin prickle. “Will you go if I ask nicely?”

 

“You always ask nicely.” The little bugger wasn’t saying something - locking his feelings back up - Ignis knew that much. Usually Noct would fall on any flat surface and call it a night, sanitation be damned, not to mention the sheets were nowhere near as filthy as he knew this floor was. Either way, though, it was never too high on his list. Hell, he’d gone weeks without washing his own sheets, and Shiva knows how teenage boys are. The idea that he was being any less than indiscriminate with where he slept was a clue in and of itself. “Just… don’t wanna.”

 

“Well,  _ I’d  _ like to, and  _ I’m  _ not going to until  _ you  _ do. Perhaps a bit of consideration is in order?” There was no exaggeration, he really did want to sleep. As soon as possible, if he could. Sitting in a car all day was more tiring than he’d given it credit for, and he was ready to pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow. Noct twisted up his face, to the point that Ignis would almost say he was  _ pouting.  _

 

“ _ Specs. _ ”   
  


“ _ Noct. _ ” Speaking like this, more lighthearted, was helping. Noct still very much looked like he’d been crying, and Ignis most likely looked the same, but falling into old routines was comforting enough. “Brush your teeth and get in bed. You deserve a rest.”

 

Slowly, he sat back on his feet, far enough that Ignis could stand. “Can I ask for a favor?” He looked ashamed of it, as though there was any wish he could ask for that Ignis wouldn't take joy in granting (which, there were, but it was a short list and probably not going to be mentioned in any way, shape or form here). After a long, half-terrified and half-confused stare down, respectively, he mumbled something out, too quiet for him to hear.

 

“I understand that you’re tired, but you’re going to need to speak up.” Staying in a squat to be at Noct’s level like this wasn’t comfortable, but he wasn’t in the mood to carry a conversation while he was sitting on the floor, nor while looking down on him, so crouching it was. He seemed to be building his courage for something, which Ignis thought was silly, but Noct’s reluctance to ask for certain things never seemed to fade no matter how much practice he’d gotten.

 

“Will you…” he cleared his throat, sniffed, then continued, “will you sleep with me?”

 

That… was not what he expected. The farthest thing from it, if he was being completely candid; he was genuinely taken aback.

 

“What-” he asked, voice suddenly hoarse. Maybe he should get a drink of water before they said anything else, because his entire throat was very, very dry, and if his eyes were wide he didn’t think it’d be too shocking, considering what, exactly, Noct just asked of him. It was okay. Noct wasn’t the best with words, and sometimes he said the wrong thing with the wrong meanings, so it might not have been like  _ that.  _ Though, Noct was also dreadfully blunt, so he couldn’t knock out any possibility, here. 

 

“Not like - not like  _ that,  _ I mean. I just don’t wanna be alone.” Ah, okay. That explained why he didn’t want to move, at least. “You don’t have to, like, touch me, or anything. I don’t even think I want that. Like, the full body thing, I don’t…” He was floundering, and as much as Ignis wanted to watch it carry on, he also desperately wanted to give in to the siren call that told him to  _ sleep,  _ so he simply nodded and went to stand.

 

“Of course.” 

 

Noct scrambled up quickly after that, as quickly as someone that fatigued could, and followed Ignis back to bed. His feet were like lead and he really,  _ really  _ didn’t want to exert the extra energy to get the blankets and pillow up that he’d moved (and Noct had kicked) to the floor, but Noct was a blanket hog and he  _ also  _ didn’t want to deal with that, so he was short on options, here.

 

By the time Ignis situated himself into bed - facing away from Noct, of course - he was fairly certain his bed partner had already fallen asleep. His breathing had slowed, deep, and he wasn’t talking, which wasn’t usually a bad indicator. That also meant that when he proceeded to scoot back so his back was flush with Ignis’, it was very much an act of the subconscious, and he didn’t know if he should’ve been uncomfortable or flattered.

 

He was going to go with the latter. Definitely.

 

There wasn’t much else to remember before he slipped into - finally - a comfortable sleep, except maybe Noct’s legs trying to tangle around his at a weird angle, and the way he whined in his sleep when he pressed back farther and didn’t somehow meld their bodies.

 

For a good while he considered pressing back, or asking Noct to move - simply because he wanted to respect his desire to not be touching - before he realized that they'd end up in the same position whether Noct tried to stay away or not, and it was better not to fight it. That, and Ignis would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the physical contact, minimal as it was.

 

It was until he was finally,  _ blessedly  _ drifting off into sleep that he realized, with a wince, that Noct never  _ brushed his damn teeth. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its still sunday on the west coast so it's Fine lmfao


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can see the stars in your glasses.”

The first thing Noct was aware of upon awakening was warmth against his back.

 

It wasn’t obtrusive, really, and was comfortable enough despite it being unfamiliar; he wasn’t keen on moving, even though whatever was behind him  _ was,  _ and it was ruining his sleep. He pushed back into it, and was pretty damn surprised to find out that whatever was behind him grunted. Alrighty then.

 

Everything became clear very, very quickly when he felt more shifting, and then Ignis was… kind of looming over him. “Noct?”

 

Memories from last night - the entire few days before, really - crashed down on him like a wave, so much so that he couldn’t even be embarrassed by the fact that one (or both) of them had pressed their backs together sometime during the night. Surprisingly, he was more okay with it than he thought he’d be - it’d all but processed through, by now, and Ignis’ enthusiastic response to his possibility (and he’d scoff at it were it anyone else, but Gods be damned if Ignis had not pulled off some extraordinary shit) of living was sinking in.

 

Of course, he still wasn’t  _ happy  _ about it, and he wouldn’t be until this entire ordeal was over, but it was… more okay. He felt like he could  _ breathe  _ now, and that was more than he could say for the day before. Especially not for last night, when he’d woken up not two hours after turning in and had to run to the bathroom because his stomach was in knots. Ignis had found him twenty or so minutes later, and he’d said a lot more than he meant to, which really probably didn’t help Ignis’ view of him.

 

He was so well put together about this. If Noct was in the same position - that is, told that someone he (hopefully) loved was dying and that they needed to leave, now - he wasn’t sure he’d do the same. Hell, he was  _ sure  _ he wouldn’t, given how he’d reacted yesterday. Ignis had a cool head in stressful situations, yeah, but this was, like… next level. He’d been trained for this, he supposed, to get Noct out at all costs, but it was still so much  _ different  _ than how he would’ve handled it. 

 

“Yeah?” He rasped, dry, aching throat and all. Water would be greatly appreciated, thanks, and when he managed enough energy to get out of bed that’d be his first stop. Ignis got some yesterday, right?

 

“Ah, nothing. Just curious to see if you were awake.” Noct would be lying, right through his Godsdamned teeth, if he said he hadn’t thought about what Ignis sounded like first thing in the morning before. Now he knew, and he couldn’t even  _ enjoy it  _ because he was  _ sad.  _ Fuck feelings. Feelings sucked.

 

“Would rather not be.” The more he woke up, the more he noticed the hair sticking to his face and how scratchy the blankets were. Saying he needed a shower right now was an understatement, and to be perfectly honest he was kind of surprised Ignis hadn’t balked at how bad he was sure he smelled right now. Stress sweat never smelled nice and he was  _ drenched;  _ Ignis was a polite man, but not  _ that  _ polite. Despite the fact that he was overheating, he pulled the blankets closer to his body, and jumped when Ignis put a hand down on his hip. 

 

“We’ve got to leave soon. Do you feel like eating?” Usually, that’d be like, a high class breakfast. With like, poached eggs and stuff. Now it’d probably be like, a granola bar, which he wasn’t complaining about, but it wasn’t super substantial. At least when they were shopping Ignis was nice enough to get him the s’mores ones, which were his  _ favorite,  _ so it wasn’t a  _ total  _ loss.

 

“Guess so.” Noct rolled so he was on his back, half on Ignis’ thigh. He didn't mean to do that, but he was too tired to move away, so Ignis would just have to deal with it. “Water?”

 

“Of course.” It was easy enough to slip out from underneath Noct’s shoulder, he guessed, by the way he effortlessly removed himself and rolled off the bed.

 

Y’know, Noct felt like he should've noticed earlier how shirtless Ignis was. Because he was just… totally shirtless. They hadn't closed the drapes last night and it must've still been early because he was bathed in sunlight and almost glowing, and when he turned towards Noct with water and (got it in one) a granola bar in his hands, he almost stopped breathing.

 

There wasn’t really any time to dwell upon it, or feel as inadequate as he was sure he’d feel were he not in such a fragile emotional state, but… damn. 

 

Noct swallowed down half the bottle of water when Ignis handed it to him, closed the lid, and dropped it back onto the bed. He felt sick enough just from that, but he knew he was  dehydrated given the way his head felt like it was about to split down the center and he needed to get something in him. At least he felt good enough to eat though, and his stomach didn't churn at the thought of food. That  _ sucked _ , and Ignis wouldn't stop bitching at him for it for  _ days  _ but he really couldn’t help it and throwing up a few hours after you ate was never fun.

 

Ignis looked up from where he was re-packing their clothes, pleased, when he saw Noct taking a bite of his granola bar. He thought it was kind of obnoxious, the way Ignis was so smug about him  _ eating _ , but he knew there were good intentions behind it and he was just in a bad mood so he smothered it down and took another bite. 

 

“We’re gonna get there today, right?” Gods, he was tired. He’d hardly been sleeping, which in and of itself was out of character but his mind just would  _ not  _ shut up, detailing all the ways he could die right this second while Ignis lay haplessly on the floor. 

 

“If all goes well.” Ignis bent halfway over the bed, and bracing himself with one hand he reached out to touch him - a ghost of the weird amount of physical contact they’d shared last night - before flinching away. “Are you feeling any better?”

 

“Uh... yeah.” Sucking a spot into the inside of his cheek, he watched Ignis’ hand fall back to the bed. “Thanks.” He knew he was putting Ignis through Hell but it wasn’t like he felt  _ good  _ about it. If all went well Ignis wouldn’t even know he was  _ that  _ upset, but things just didn’t work out that way so here they were.

 

It wasn’t like he was lying, though. He did feel better, even if it was just because he cried a little (a lot) and slept through the night. Or, what was left of the night after Ignis found him in the bathroom, but. He slept more than he  _ had  _ been sleeping, was the point.

 

Which was weird.

 

He knew why, he guessed, but he didn’t want to think about it. Not when they had things to do.

* * *

 

Hammerhead wasn’t what Noct expected it to be. Then again, he wasn’t sure  _ what  _ he expected it to be; he’d never really heard of it before and he’d never left Insomnia so it wasn’t like he could’ve been here, but he  _ really  _ wasn’t expecting a garage. It was nice enough, he supposed, considering he’d never seen a garage this big back home (and he’d never really needed to, since they could just get mechanics to the Citadel whenever something broke down). Cindy was pretty cool, too, even though he might’ve snapped at her and she paid most of her attention to Ignis after that, but he could tell that when he was in a better mood they’d probably get along kind of nicely. Prompto would like her.

 

She’d sent them off to do some hunting in the desert - told them they could make money whenever just by hunting monsters for people, which was fuckin’  _ sweet -  _ and it went on like that for… a few days. Maybe a week. They got back to the caravan (which was significantly cheaper than a hotel, so they slept there despite the tight squeeze) before nightfall and didn’t spend much time out of the bright lights around Hammerhead otherwise. They got money for the hunts they brought back, which was neat because his dad didn’t give them enough to live on for very long, and it was really almost more like a vacation than it was running from some godly power that threatened Noct’s life.

 

It was hard, though. Sleeping in the camper, or...  at all, really. At some point it changed from too anxious to sleep to his mind just not being able to turn off, which was a normal feeling for Noct - he’d always had problems with insomnia (the condition, not the place) - but this was worse. He was hardly getting any sleep and it left him exhausted during the day  _ and  _ gave him a knick on the shoulder when he’d been too tired to defend himself properly from a Voretooth.

 

There were two pull outs in the caravan, conveniently enough, along with an L bend couch in the corner meant more for the pull out table than it was for sleeping, but if they had more people (Noct was reminded of Gladio and Prompto, and even though he was aware of their safety it still stung that they weren’t  _ there)  _ it’d prove helpful. Unfortunately, this also left Noct awake at four in the morning staring at Ignis’ sleeping face, mapping the lines of his skin and what softened when he wasn’t conscious. The way his hair puffed out, just a bit, when he slept on it wet, and how soft it looked when it was dry. 

 

It was something to do while he couldn’t sleep, but it made his chest hurt all the same. He didn’t know why.

 

This, of course, led Noct to want to stay out later and later, until they ended up a little bit lost (not so much that they couldn’t get back, but enough that it’d pose a problem without the full light of day) and the sun was setting. It was concerning, but they  _ couldn’t  _ have been more than an hour out and finding their way back was just a matter of figuring out where they came from.

 

Still, being stuck out in the desert at night? Not great. It was cold, and every little noise put them both on edge. At least they could see the daemons before they came, but they were locked in pretty tight combat with some Flan already and Noct wasn’t sure he could take much more. Something, something, Ignis was right, something, Noct should have eaten more and gone to bed earlier, blah blah blah. He dodged a slimy limb and tried to catch sight of Hammerhead on the horizon. If anything else showed up they’d need to escape, and fast, and a landmark was the best place to do it.

 

“See anything?” Noct asked, hopping back when Ignis finished off his group of flan and decided Noct’s were next. “‘Cause I, uh, I got nothin’.” Maybe there was a little bit of light from the huge-ass sunlamps on the horizon, but. 

 

“I’m afraid not.” They finished off the last of them together, breathing heavily as they hopped back from the puddle of goop it left. “It was northward, last I checked.”

 

“Cool,” Noct said, because he had very few ultra-valuable skills but figuring out which way to go by the stars was one of them, just because he’d spent so long with his nose buried in an astronomy book as a kid it’d be a crime if he didn’t _._ When he looked up, though, for the first time since it’d gotten really dark, his brain kind of short circuited. “Uh…”

 

“Hm?” Ignis looked up as well, probably expecting more of a flying daemon or something rather than the sheer amount of stars in the Godsdamned sky. “Oh.”

 

“Holy shit.” He stumbled backwards a little when he craned his neck all the way back, “there’s so many of ‘em…” Resisting the urge to plop face up right on the sand, he blindly swatted at Ignis’ arm. “Specs, this is  _ incredible. _ ”

 

“I’d never realized how much light pollution there was in Insomnia.” When Noct looked over, Ignis seemed just as awestruck as he was. Though, the chance of him getting sand in his clothes when he laid down to see the stars better, like Noct was planning on doing, was small. Sit, maybe. That was a good middle ground.

 

“Yeah.” He swallowed and followed through, sitting back on the sand and pushing the hair from his eyes to see better. If he looked close enough he could  _ swear  _ he saw galaxies, maybe a planet instead of a star because there  _ should’ve  _ been one right there if he remembered right. Ignis sat his ass down right beside him, and Noct saw him give the landscape a cursory glance before he disposed of his daggers and let himself look. “You ever think we’d see something like this?”

 

“Someday, perhaps. When the war had ended. But never…” Noct saw him staring out of the corner of his eye but paid no mind, too caught up on hunting out all the constellations he could find before he could be bothered questioning it. 

 

“It’s beautiful.” He rubbed his hands down the front of his jeans, “I can't believe it.”

 

“It’s hard to believe.” Ignis sounded breathless, and when Noct looked down to see what was up, he was already meeting his eyes.

 

“I can see the stars in your glasses.”

 

“I’m not surprised, they  _ are- _ " He reached out before he could think about it, putting a finger on each side of his frames (because Ignis  _ hated  _ it when people touched the glass) and gently taking them from his face. “Noct?”

 

“Whoa.” He tilted them back and forth, watching the stars change in the reflection. “Are you seeing this?”

 

Ignis let him sit in anticipation for a second, before he cleared his throat. “What do you think?”

 

Oh. Right. He needed those to see. Noct laughed sheepishly, handing his glasses back.

 

“Sorry.” 

 

“We should probably try to head back then, hm? You can look more when we return.” He was right, Noct guessed. It’d be easier to find their way back during the day, but at night they were just huge targets. They needed to find a hiding spot or they needed to get back to Hammerhead, either or. “Get some sleep.”

 

“Right.” He still wanted to look at the sky, but they… had time for that, now. For stargazing in the desert where he felt so small and insignificant that he almost felt like he wasn’t the prince anymore, and there was something sad about that that Noct didn’t want to take too much time thinking about. He knew he hated it - being royalty, having the weight of the world on his shoulders - and that was it. But now he could sit out on the roof and look at the stars and maybe Ignis would be there or maybe he’d be busy doing his own things but that was  _ okay,  _ because Ignis always came back. “Where’d we come from again?”

 

“North, I believe.” 

 

“You better not kill us.”

 

Ignis snorted, “I’ll do my best not to.”

 

Noct searched out the sky, looking for something that would indicate which way was which. He licked his lips and pointed out a star, “that one. It’s north.”

 

“You’re sure?”

 

“No, I totally wanna be caught out here all night.” He pushed himself off and winced at the sand in his ass, as was the desert, and kicked his legs to try and relieve some of the itch. “C’mon.”

 

Ignis followed, straightened his glasses on his face, and gestured forward. “You lead, then.”

* * *

Sleep still didn’t come easily. He was tired, duh, walking through the desert for hours would do that, and half frozen because the darker it got the colder it got, and Noct wasn’t one to bring jackets everywhere he went.

 

Unlike Ignis.

 

Who, when asked, gave him his jacket, and then continued on in silence because he was naturally warmer than Noct but even he could see that he was shivering a little. The caravan wasn’t very warm by comparison to an actual, heated room, but it protected them from the breeze and the very worst of the chill, and the extra blankets he had on his bed helped to cut it down until he was comfortable enough to sleep.

 

Still, though, he couldn’t. Whether it was from his feet being so cold that it felt like they were radiating it or from the aching feeling of something creeping up his spine, something here-there-not that made his stomach ache and his flesh crawl, he wasn’t sure. His brain was just kind of being an asshole at the moment and it went way unappreciated, considering his body was weighing him down like a ton of bricks and he certainly had a lot of thoughts but none of them were entirely coherent.

 

“Hey,” Noct turned so his face was deeper in his barely-a-pillow. It was too flat to be comfortable and he had to shove both arms underneath it to get anywhere, which kind of defeated the purpose anyway. 

 

“Yes?” Oh, well he sounded annoyed. That was fair, he might've been asleep. Or almost asleep. Maybe Noct did that thing where someone talks right when you're falling asleep and wakes you back up. Gods, he hoped not. That was intolerable.

 

“Are you warm?”

 

“Warm enough.” There was still a ghost of a shudder in his voice, “are you not?”

 

Not particularly. “A little.” Just his face, really. He didn't know how to word it without dancing around it for an uncomfortable amount of time, but they both needed their sleep.

 

The bottom line was, Noct hadn't slept well since Ignis slept in bed with him. Hell, he hadn't slept well for a long time before that, either, even before they left the Citadel. It was just something about the warmth next to him, or maybe it was because he knew Ignis well enough that he felt safe when he was closer, but. Noct liked sleep, and Ignis sleeping with him helped him get to his end goal. Which was sleep.

 

“Do you want another blanket? I could stand to lose one.”

 

“No!” He winced at the raise in his voice, like, how desperate could he  _ be?  _ It wasn't even like they could both fit without a level of physical contact uncomfortable for everyone involved, because they barely fit on their own (Noct could settle in more than Ignis but that was just because he was smaller, which he would never admit it out loud). “But if you could come over here that would be, uh, cool.” 

 

“That seems more than impractical.” Ignis was staring at him now, as well as he could without glasses. He'd insist his vision was fine without them, but that was a lie and they both knew it. “We each have our own bunks.”

 

He wasn't…  _ wrong. _

 

_ “ _ Yeah, but.” Noct scooted back until he was pressed to the metal wall of the caravan, shuddering at the cold on his back. “It'll be warmer. Helps me sleep.”

 

“It’d be much less crowded if you just had another blanket.” 

 

Now, even Noct, with his infinite penchant towards social awkwardness, knew that telling Ignis that it wasn't the warmth, but  _ him _ , that made him sleep better wasn't the most strictly-platonic thing to say in the world. He also knew that if Ignis interpreted it as something non-platonic he would probably shrivel up and die,  _ especially  _ since it'd undoubtedly be followed by a talk about feelings and how it was inappropriate and the inevitable rejection that would come after.

 

So, he wouldn't push it.

 

“I’m fine. I'll warm up soon.” He wouldn’t be able to  _ sleep,  _ though, which was what he was really after. Maybe if he just… waited.

 

Waited for Ignis’ breathing to slow down. For him to fall asleep. Then he could imagine, if he bunched up some blankets behind his back, that Ignis was in bed with him. Which was a totally normal thing to think about. Really platonic, there, Noct.

 

Even though his head wouldn’t stop telling him  _ if not now, then when?  _ And he’d say never, because he and Ignis couldn’t be like that, just because Ignis…  _ wouldn’t.  _ It didn’t make sense. Even if Ignis was the only reason he could sleep a few nights ago, and he’d been thinking about him more than usual - and ‘usual’ was already a  _ lot -  _ and he made sure he was safe, and he made Noct  _ feel  _ safe, and -

 

Noct swallowed and turned over so he was facing the blankets he’d bundled behind him.

 

They were cold.


End file.
